Lately...

I had all my wisdom teeth removed last week, it wasn't and isn't fun. Luckily, they don't grow back and they prescribed some really good painkillers. The stitches fell out a little early so now there's a nice open wound behind one of my molars and its taking its sweet time to close back up. But on a lighter note, I got into the college I wanted and as bonus I got an academic scholarship, it's not a full ride but it sure helps. Also, I've been spending some time on Chat Roulette and I met some really cool, interesting people. I also saw a lot of guys, too many guys, jacking off. Nothing crazy has happened to me recently but I should see something when I go into the city Wednesday.

There's an always an exception

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger
Except AIDS

You learn something new every day
Unless you're in a coma

Sharing is caring
Except crabs and syphilis (this is the 1/2 post about maja)

My Name Is Carl

I have a 4-5 page paper that I need to write for my physiology/anatomy class and we were allowed to pick the disease/disorder to do it on. I wanted to have fun with this so I decided to pick something fun and maybe it can be called edgy, erectile dysfunction. I am going to write a 4-5 page paper on erectile dysfunction and give a powerpoint presentation on it but the best part is how I have to write it. I can't write it like a research paper but I have to write it like a documentary, through the point of view of someone. It could be the patient, the spouse or even the doctor's point of view but I'm going to choose the patient's point of view. Also, I'm going to start another blog to get myself to start writing this so I can get it done quickly. It will be called "My Name is Carl" and it should be a lot of fun.

Just Meh

November is pretty much over, the heart of winter is coming soon. I really hope it snows a lot this year. If it does I'm going to central park in a penguin costume as soon as I can buy one. Also, I found a really good food blog site, Smitten Kitchen. I tried the oatmeal raisin cookie recipe, the cookies came out amazing and for some of the batter I added chocolate chips instead of raisins and it still came out great. Only downside was the oatmeal I had, it was very finely cut and not the real good coarse oatmeal flakes, so it didn't look like a real oatmeal cookie but it came out soft and chewy just like it should. Little story: I was in the city with a friend on Saturday eating pizza on the street and a religious Jew with a black hat and Tallit on walking by says good Shabbos. I say shabbat shalom back and he stops and turns. He walks over and says ahh, you're jewish, would you like to come to the kiddush, we're having a cholent luncheon. I tell him no thanks but he keeps on insisting and after a few more no's he leaves. I wish there was more to the story but there really isn't.

Shutter Speed

I <3 manual controls on cameras.

Brownie Ramblings

Like any other person, I love Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Especially phish food and chocolate fudge brownie but not because I like chocolate. In fact, strawberry is my favorite flavor (when it's made with real strawberries and not chemical crap). I love those flavors because they're like a kinder egg, not only do you get the ice cream but you get the extra stuff that's in it. The caramel swirls, marshmallow bits and chocolate fishes and the big brownie chunks. The brownie chunks are the best, but unfortunately the ratio of brownie to ice cream is not usually very high, in fact it's pretty low. This leads me to my main point. When it comes to the brownie bits I will go out of my way to get them. No matter how sneaky I need to be I will eat all of them. I let someone else start it out, getting rid of the top and as soon as I see a bit of brownie poking out of the chocolate I attack it with my spoon. I will dig and dig into that little pint to get all of the brownie into my stomach. But if I just dug everything up, it would be obvious that I dug everything up and that's when the trickiness comes in. After eating all the brownie, I even out the chocolate layer and then smooth it over. But that still makes things too obvious. Then I take little spoonfuls from the smoothed out layer to look like someone just took a normal portion and didn't eat all the brownie bits.

It's for niggers and Mexicans.

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: what can you tell me about health care and obama's plan for reform in the US

Stranger: It's for niggers and Mexicans.

You have disconnected.

FOOD

I've gotten back into the habit of baking, bread especially.

So Long

I'm going away for 6 weeks now and I won't have any internet access but when I come back I will have plenty of things to post.

C for Cookie

This is a little stupid parody I made a long time ago and if you couldn't guess it's a parody of V for Vendetta. If someone were to make this into a movie or even make a trailer of this, I would love it.

From the creators who brought you the Muppet Revolution, we bring you C for Cookie. Following a world cookie ban, Sesame Street is a police country occupied by a greedy ruler called Big-Bird. A conservator known only as "C" uses cunning tactics to bring back cookies to the oppressive state in which he now lives When C saves a girl named Miss Piggy from the E.L.M.O. army, he discovers an ally in his fight against Sesame Street's oppressors.

Omegle

So, I decided to start a second blog because nothing interesting has been happening lately except that I saw Dead Snow which I will talk about later. It's called http://iloveomegle.blogspot.com/ and it's just a collection of some of my omegle conversations that I decided to save. For those who don't know Omegle is a semi-recent website in which you randomly connect and chat with random strangers. No nicknames, just you and stranger, to help somewhat preserve anonymity because you can reveal anything you want about yourself. I highly recommend trying out omegle.com if you have some time to kill and you want to have a good laugh and I know you want a good laugh, because that's why you're here. Right?

Quotes

• "Flip a coin, heads or tits"
• "I'm just gonna go to the bathroom"-"Ok, don't hurt yourself"
• "I blame society"- "I blame you"- "I hate the blame game"
• "Can you warm up my cherry pie" (old lady at diner)
• "I remember you, oh your trademark red hair" (old babysitter on the street)
• "Oh shit!!! I'm sorry" (woman who thought I worked at Trader Joe's after finding out I don't)
  

Deodorant Continued

After having the deodorant stain my shirts I decided to take action about it. I e-mailed Colgate-Palmolive and complained about how they stained my shirts trying to make it seem a little over-dramatic so I would get a decent response. I honestly thought nothing would come out of it other than an e-mail. A few days later I got an e-mail like I thought and when I was reading it I noticed it said that "Your response involved material we wanted to send you, therefore the response has been sent via regular (postal) mail and should reach you within three weeks." I thought wow, that's cool, I wonder what they're going to send to me. Just ten days later I get a big envelope/package from Colgate-Palmolive. Inside was more envelopes, coupons and papers. So I got two coupons for a free stick of deodorant (excluding tax, of course) and a whole envelope of assorted coupons. I was looking through the papers and they wanted me to return the product if possible in the pre-paid envelope. Conclusions: complaining to corporate giants can pay off.
I think I might try praising them next in hope for more coupons or other freebies.

Aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly

I could go on explaining the structure of this chemical and where it's found and what it does but I won't. I'll just explain where it's found and what it does because I don't know how to do the first thing. Don't worry it's nothing too fancy it's just the active ingredient in my deodorant which is Speed Stick Irish Spring Icy Blast. I'm hoping for a sponsorship deal that's why it's in here but not at all. It's "purpose" according to the label is an antiperspirant and it does an ok job at that. What it does an even better job at is staining my t-shirt to a darker color right in the pits. The last time I checked deodorant is supposed to do two things, keep you from sweating and smelling. Basically I have two options I can either use it and get dark noticeable stains on all my shirts and not smell or I don't use it and I get yellow stains and sweat and smell a little. I choose option three, I'll just buy a new deodorant without aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly.
Lesson learned: avoid aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly

About Me

• I'm too cheap to buy cookie crisp so I just buy small cookies instead and eat those for breakfast
• I have the best pair of slippers ever, they are killer rabbit slippers
• I'm scared of religious fanatics
• I think it's BS that a diner will charge 75¢ more to grill a cheese sandwich
  
• I think the tasting paper in Willy Wonka's factory is just acid paper and the whole movie was just a bad trip
• Mannequins are the scariest things in the world when they are not in stores but are popping out of bushes on the street at night
  

Quotes

• "Know how useful you are? You're about as useful as a ping pong ball in a hurricane"
• "Shot shards of shrapnel"
• "I like your shirt. Thanks, I couldn't decide which one to wear so I wore both "
• "I just took a spin class and my vagina feels like it's on fire"
• "Now what's the deal with- SHUTUP!!"
  

New T-Shirt

I have a very dry and twisted sense of humor but for $5 I couldn't resist. On the back there's an 11. I guess it was a funeral home sponsored softball team or maybe even a little league team. After a little google search I found out that there is a Scalia Funeral Home in Staten Island. One of the best $5 I ever spent.

This was in the NYT?

An article about how dogs and cats are dangerous because they cause people to fall was in the health section of the New York Times (online). Maybe the next article will be about how fish expose their owners to infection when fish poop in their tank. Or how delightful penguins are.

I love the subway but my mom doesn't

On a Wednesday a while back my mom got spat on, on the subway. She was waiting at Grand Central and she was walking on the platform to get a newspaper. There was a strange woman bundled up with her whole head suspiciously covered in a scarf. She was wearing a tattered, old, frayed at the edges coat from shoulder to toe. As my mom walked by this strange woman she glanced at her. When my mother got to the little convenience stand there were no newspapers so she went back to her spot, waiting for the train. As my mom walked by this odd lady once again, but not looking at her this time she said, quite audibly: "What are you looking at?" and proceeded to spit at my mother. Now my mother may piss me off at some times but that's what parents do and spitting at someone on the subway is still, just unacceptable.

THIS IS A JOKE (in terrible taste)

The Sadistic Pedophile is grotesque when it comes to sexual preferences. They severely abuse their victims and sometimes kill them. They search for the perfect victim and they will travel long distances to gain access to the victim. They stalk and then attack and/or abduct their victim. Their abductions are typically designed to confuse the parents and the authorities. This type of pedophile is usually intelligent and middle to upper class. They like to be on the move and they like change.

Know who else likes change?
I'm so sorry for this, I really am, but a friend of mine needed a laugh and this worked. I like Obama but this just hit a funny bone.

Stuff About Me

• My favorite color is rainbow
• I'm illiperate, I can't read lips
• I can grow a nice beard but no luck on the mustache
• When it comes to buying deodorant and soap it takes me forever to decide what to buy
• I like to curl up and sit in a nice clothes dryer after the clothes are taken out
• I don't like that my cellphone can't spell bagel automatically, it just stops after acid
  

Saw this on the subway

Graffiti can be enjoyable and deep, it's not limited to tagging.
On a less serious note, I suck at keeping the posts up and to make it look like I write more I'm going to put up my list of subway characters on the next post.

Quotes

• "I just had all this junk in my trunk"
• "I don't like thrift stores, I think they are cheap and used"
• "You smoking super crack and diesel fuel"
• "Ladies and Gentlemen I am not selling candy for my basketball team. I am selling candy to put a little extra money in my pocket." (at least he was honest)

Things I Want to See

• Easy Baked Oven
• Transformers: Robots in Denial
• Sleep Enhancing Toothpaste (Edit: It already exists)
• Car Air Freshener Necklaces/Bling
• Infant criminals (3 year old sues 5 year old for rape)
• Love Glove (like Ove Glove but for something else...)
• Ink blots on the subway as a result of hobo stains
• Cute animals like penguins replacing people in horror and drama movies
  

I love the subway

I was on the E train very around 7 am on a Saturday and it was fairly crowded. All the seats were taken. The resident hobo was walking up and down the car and he smelled disgusting. I had a stuffy nose and could still smell him. Unfortunately I was in the middle of the car and he kept walking by me and stopping right in front of me. I was scared he was going to start talking at me so I avoided eye contact. After a couple minutes of pacing he went on to the next car. Two seconds later a woman stood up from her seat as something started to come out of her mouth. Then she hunched over and finished vomiting. She tried to catch it with her slave but to no avail. The vomit to floor impact echoed throughout the train. Everybody looked as she walked to stand by the door and hide her face. She was standing next to a friend of her's that was sitting down and her friend was yelling in Spanish. A couple of times her friend got up, scared she would get thrown up on. Some people were trying to discretely cover their noses some just buried them in the arms of the people next to them. At some point a man offered her a pack of tissues and after two more stops she just sat back down again. Many people got off but the puddle remained.
NOTE: the picture is not the actual train where it happened

My New Book, maybe

Before I write about my winter break stories if I ever do here is a picture for the cover of my book in progress