About Me

• I'm too cheap to buy cookie crisp so I just buy small cookies instead and eat those for breakfast
• I have the best pair of slippers ever, they are killer rabbit slippers
• I'm scared of religious fanatics
• I think it's BS that a diner will charge 75¢ more to grill a cheese sandwich
  
• I think the tasting paper in Willy Wonka's factory is just acid paper and the whole movie was just a bad trip
• Mannequins are the scariest things in the world when they are not in stores but are popping out of bushes on the street at night
  

Quotes

• "Know how useful you are? You're about as useful as a ping pong ball in a hurricane"
• "Shot shards of shrapnel"
• "I like your shirt. Thanks, I couldn't decide which one to wear so I wore both "
• "I just took a spin class and my vagina feels like it's on fire"
• "Now what's the deal with- SHUTUP!!"
  

New T-Shirt

I have a very dry and twisted sense of humor but for $5 I couldn't resist. On the back there's an 11. I guess it was a funeral home sponsored softball team or maybe even a little league team. After a little google search I found out that there is a Scalia Funeral Home in Staten Island. One of the best $5 I ever spent.

This was in the NYT?

An article about how dogs and cats are dangerous because they cause people to fall was in the health section of the New York Times (online). Maybe the next article will be about how fish expose their owners to infection when fish poop in their tank. Or how delightful penguins are.

I love the subway but my mom doesn't

On a Wednesday a while back my mom got spat on, on the subway. She was waiting at Grand Central and she was walking on the platform to get a newspaper. There was a strange woman bundled up with her whole head suspiciously covered in a scarf. She was wearing a tattered, old, frayed at the edges coat from shoulder to toe. As my mom walked by this strange woman she glanced at her. When my mother got to the little convenience stand there were no newspapers so she went back to her spot, waiting for the train. As my mom walked by this odd lady once again, but not looking at her this time she said, quite audibly: "What are you looking at?" and proceeded to spit at my mother. Now my mother may piss me off at some times but that's what parents do and spitting at someone on the subway is still, just unacceptable.

THIS IS A JOKE (in terrible taste)

The Sadistic Pedophile is grotesque when it comes to sexual preferences. They severely abuse their victims and sometimes kill them. They search for the perfect victim and they will travel long distances to gain access to the victim. They stalk and then attack and/or abduct their victim. Their abductions are typically designed to confuse the parents and the authorities. This type of pedophile is usually intelligent and middle to upper class. They like to be on the move and they like change.

Know who else likes change?
I'm so sorry for this, I really am, but a friend of mine needed a laugh and this worked. I like Obama but this just hit a funny bone.

Stuff About Me

• My favorite color is rainbow
• I'm illiperate, I can't read lips
• I can grow a nice beard but no luck on the mustache
• When it comes to buying deodorant and soap it takes me forever to decide what to buy
• I like to curl up and sit in a nice clothes dryer after the clothes are taken out
• I don't like that my cellphone can't spell bagel automatically, it just stops after acid